tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15852666719403817272024-02-08T02:32:51.423-08:00The Arcadian InterludesArcadiarikahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05055763414257983283noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1585266671940381727.post-90652156603717299562011-05-20T11:20:00.000-07:002011-05-20T11:20:28.019-07:00Spider's Web: A Pig's Tale--Part TwoWelcome back to <em>The Arcadian Interludes.</em><br />
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Last time, we discovered the blandness of <em>Spider's Web: A Pig's Tale</em>. Not all that offensive, but at the same time, despite it being a ripoff, the plot was just as cliched as one could imagine. Let's continue with this, shall we?<br />
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<div align="center"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYO5DmzvS50&feature=related"><strong><em>Part Three </em></strong></a></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><strong><em></em></strong>So the last time we left our, ahem, heroes, they were on their way to see Lucy, the alien thing with the annoying-as-hell cry. And a little thought just came to me. If they look like aliens, why didn't Noiman ask if they were the ones who killed the pie? But I digress.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Anyway, the grandmother thanks the group for saving Lucy, and Walt explains that they need a place to stay. She lets them all in, and yes, that includes Noiman, the one that insulted her. I guess he's easily forgiven? The snake wants to watch cable television, but the grandmother repeatedly tells him "no".</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">How bad can it possibly be? I mean, it's not like it has a mind of its own and wants to murder--oh.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">There is a small fight between the group, and Noiman turns it on. And it shows...snakes or snake-themed commercials/TV series. How lovely. And...did a flying paddle just smack a snake?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">O++O</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Ahem!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">As I figured, the television then starts to kill the group. By stomping around and speaking gibberish. Really. I would make a snarky comment to how television killed the wannabe stars, but I'm not that witty. The house also starts to fall. With tiles coming down. One by one. Uh...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Noiman tries to tell Walt to leave, but the pig, thankfully having a conscience, tells him that they caused the mess, and so they can't leave. The snake then suggests stealing the TV so they can fix it, but really, that's a bad idea. What would happen if it would still try to kill them? Eventually, the snake leaves, and so does everyone else...leaving the grandmother and Lucy to their doom.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Once again, <strong><em>OUR HEROES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!</em></strong> Anyone want to tell us why we should care for those guys, again?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Once again, the spiders try to tell Walt that going to Viperwood is a bad idea, but he's pretty damn persistent. Oh, and Tiffany says that her spider senses are tingling. Nice job, movie, you just had to put a <em>Spider-Man</em> reference to try to make it interesting.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So they stop at a gas station, and Noiman has to pay. He tells Walt to fill the car up, and they get into another argument. Dear God, does it feel like it leaves the camera running. As expected, Walt does fill up the gas tank, and Noiman uses his--oh, dear God, dude, if the Vipercard didn't work the first time, what makes you expect that it'll work there? So they head off after filling the car up, but they're chased by these strange bug creatures that shoot missiles at the group.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">At this rate, we can definitely say that if you don't do anything good, everything will try to kill you. Yeah, that's a great moral.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So Tiffany decides to scare the hunters off by just...making a path to them and saying "Boo". Wow, how anticlimatic.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The next day, they arrive in Viperwood, which is exactly what you expect it to be. Then a light lavender snake drops into the car, welcomes Noiman home, and scares Gilbert off. The female snake's name is...Venom. Wow, how original.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Then Venom tells Walt that everyone's talking about him. Uh...look, I know that Noiman is there with the connections, but just how in the hell do they know Walt already? It's not like they showed commercials with him. Unless if they just saw him in one of those crime shows like <em>America's Most Wanted</em>, and they showed him along with the group.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Venom tells the group that they have an audition...but due to Walt not doing them according to Noiman, he immediately gets the part. What. After filling the young pig's head with dreams of stardom, we come across...really weird grunting sounds. Eventually, the presumed...I don't know...gets off the stage, and Walt talks to the director, who's really trying to sound like one of those mafia-type guys. They go through his resume, and--ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Oh, wait, I have a movie to review.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The spiders grow suspicious, but Noiman still tells Walt that he's going to be a star. He then places some sort of bowl or helmet on the pig, and he demonstrates the "holding his breath underwater" thing. Uh...and the fish is also trying to kill Walt. Yeesh.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">You know...if they are trying to prove that doing bad things is, well, wrong, they are doing a damn good job tramuatizing kids while doing so.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So Tiffany scares off the fish. And I'm realizing just how freaking much the plot is recycled. If not just the plot, then specific scenes.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Configuation One: Walt lies, the mother notices, the spiders speak the truth, the horses call them out, the animals do their Wild Mass Guessing, Penny says something somewhat irrelevant.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Configuation Two: Noiman suggests something, he and whoever has a fight, trouble occurs, and occasionally Tiffany shows up to stop the trouble.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">At this rate, I'll just mention scenes by one of those two configuations.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So after that, Walt falls down, and the helmet breaks, with him gasping for air. He didn't land the audition. Wait, what? Oh, so the snakes lied to him, and he had to get the audition. The spiders even note the sudden change from "OMG the theater business is magical!" to "WTF? The theater business sucks!", if not in those specific terms. They still try to get him to come home, but the snake promises that it won't happen again. Uh-huh. Sure it wouldn't. What do you do next, you try to kill the pig yourself, Noiman, after he outlives his usefulness?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Then Walt tells Noiman that he wants to go back to the barnyard. It goes just as well as you expect. So they're stuck in this foreign place (to them) with nothing but talks about stardom and no more lying and oh, God, make it stop! Seriously, if you want a more effective way of teaching kids not to lie, have a freaking blue fairy come down and make his snout grow!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Eventually, Noiman gets a call that states that Walt will be a TV star. We get to some sort of place where a snake with a top hat tells them that most need something exciting. Like...explosions and violence. Which means that the snakes have a version of Michael Bay in their 'verse.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">(is booed) Oh, what?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">However, this snake's not like the others. It wants something educational. Noiman predicts that the snake will be out of a job soon, and he(?) still spouts off stuff about learning stuff, where Walt goes to school, stuff like that. Get to the point, movie.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">...oh. He might be on "Paddle Wackier". As in, that one show we saw them seeing that almost gave me visions of a snake being all like, "Thank you! May I have another?!" Oh, good God. And Tiffany will be there as the show's "Phone-A-Friend", so to speak.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Let's continue!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=issNHK7RIUw&feature=related"><strong><em>Part Four </em></strong></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So we cut to the game show in question. Millions are watching as this daring pig will answer questions in order to become more of a star. Like other contestants in various game shows before him, Walter will have to be brave and risk everything.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">...hey, it's not like this movie will have anything as interesting and/or grandiose.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The show starts, and the first category? Colors. Fucking colors.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Question #1: If you mix yellow and blue, what color do you get? Answer: green.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">But there's a problem. Pigs are colorblind. So Tiffany helps him with that answer. And here's the next one: what color is an octopus--yellow, brown, pink, or green? But as hard as that answer is for him, he has two choices: tell the truth and get his ass spanked, or make something up and risk getting his ass spanked. So he goes with the "I don't know", gets his ass spanked, and is told that an octopus can change color.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Okay...then, for some reason, the flyswatter spanks the host, and...I think he's dead.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So then we cut to the group, and Walt hated being on the game show. They argue over being honest and lying, and then Tiffany threatens to leave, and...ugh. Can we cut to the next part, please? Oh, he'll be a movie star. I can easily guess where this will be going. Something happens in which it'll suck, and Walt ends up hating the experience.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">...I can only hope I'm wrong.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So we cut to the place where he auditions for an action movie role, and another snake-director/casting director notes his "qualities". This time, he's a gymnast, black belt, swordsman, and can speak Japanese. He gets the part. Next, Noiman teaches Walt how to speak Japanese.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Uh, let's see. Henshin, chakusou, Yurusenzai, konnichiwa, domo arigato, sayonara, sumimasen. There. Do I get a cookie?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">And how does he know the language? He remembers the times where he slithered through Tokyo, looking for a good massage. The spiders don't buy it. Noiman gives Walt an example: if they ask, say "Hai" (yes). Okay. I'm pretty sure that only saying "Hai" would make Walt a fool of himself. Plus embarrassing his ancestors.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">We get to the movie set, where it's really clear that the director is speaking more. And Walt says "Hai". Oh, and the director says, "Action!" What happened to him not speaking English?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">They bring out the highly convincing robots, and Walt does some highly convincing swordfighting. The robots' dialogue only consists of "Take that!" Really? One of the robots spank Walt...and there's something wrong with the director's hat. He counts down...and a highly convincing explosion occurs.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Yeah, apparentally they don't have a Michael Bay, because say what you will about him, at least he does convincing explosions.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">At the hospital, Walt wakes up to find Noiman talking to another casting director. Once again, Walt isn't so sure. Venom convinces Walt that he is the talk of the town. Likely because of so many screw-ups, but still! Talk of the town! And the casting director is taking very special interest in Walt. This time, he won't disappoint everyone.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Uh-huh. Once again, I'm pretty sure it won't end well. And it might end in the pig's death.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So Tiffany, Gilbert, and the yellow spider show up and talk. Luckily, Walt suggests sightseeing, and then everyone will go back to the barnyard, as he found a bus schedule. However, Noiman, being the asshole snake that he is, says to Walt that he can't give up now. What does he have to do? Rap anything he wants. And the place he'll go to is very cool. So cool, he's gotta wear shades.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Seriously.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Oh, and the spiders can't come nor bother Walt until tomorrow. Yeah, that doesn't sound so suspicious, no sirree Bob. And the shades? Walt can't see a damn thing out of them, with Noiman dismissing it as "the price of fashion."</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">As for the rap, what musical masterpiece will he rap about? His roots in the barnyard. This is not going to end--hey, what is that sign? A pig carving commercial? I knew it! Walt's so totally fucked right now...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">We get to the place, where the chef talks to Noiman and Venom. Said chef--who, by the way, is wearing an apron <em>covered in fucking blood--</em>leans into Walt's ear and says, "You look very...plump." Gee, no shit, Sherlock? Walt takes notice of that and asks if he can take the shades off, but the snakes say "no".</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Then a crane picks Walt up, and he raps the most ridiculous rap song ever. All of a sudden, "Sexy <strike>Bitch</strike> Chick" sounds like a better song to listen to. Even if it is edited to have "Billy Mays" in place of the title's appearances in the song.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">But before Walt can become pork, Gilbert arrives to knock the shades off. Tiffany and the yellow spider, Crystal, also show up to save him. They tell him what the snakes really want to do with him, and so a rescue attempt is underway. Gilbert flies in so he can sting Noiman, and...looks like we'll have to go to the next and, thankfully, final part.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/kTIsiEFq8cU?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong><em>Part Five</em></strong></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So Gilbert does sting Noiman with an overreacted "AaAaAaAhH!" Judging by this, this will be one of the most boring battles ever. The wasp, thinking that he would die, is actually alive. Tiffany tells Walt to stop rapping, and then the glasses fall off, into the chopper.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Noiman admitted that the wasp's sting hurts. And then he cries. Yeah...this is definitely not the late Peter Fernandez's finest moment. But considering the crap he's in, can you blame him?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Luckily, Venom and the chef both have standards, and they leave Noiman alone, even as his phone rings. Speaking of wasps, Gilbert admits that he has been lying to himself, bringing yet another sledgehammer into the "lying is wrong" moral. Walt thanks his friends, and we're told that when people lie, they don't know when to stop.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Okay, knock it off with the moral-giving, movie, we've already heard it millions of times.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So the animals decide to go back to the barnyard, and Walt will tell his mom the truth after all. They also conclude that the trip was worth it after all. Yes, even after a near-murder attempt. However, Tiffany will remain in Viperwood, telling Walt that she won't be around for him forever. After telling more stuff about lying that we already know, they say their goodbyes.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">We finally get back to the barnyard, and the horse fights with Gilbert and Andre. Some things don't change. However, a show's on, and wouldn't you know it, Tiffany's the new host of "Paddle Wackier". And Venom's the contestant. We get to a queston: if you combine two triangles together, what do you get? She answers that it's a circle.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><strong><em>EPIC FAIL!</em></strong></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So Venom gets spanked, and we get our answer. It's a diamond. The horses note Tiffany's appearance, and Walt likes the show more. And that's the end of the movie, with the snakes dancing in the credits, but who cares?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So what do I think of the movie? Well...it's very Anvilicious in its moral: don't lie. Otherwise, while not being that, it's just plain dull. The characters are unlikable, we don't know what happened to the space aliens, and there's just no one to root for. It's like a Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy, you really don't care about the conflict or what's going on because of those circumstances.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Plus, it doesn't make it to be a Charlotte's Web knockoff, it uses some cliched Celebrity is Overrated plot that we've seen a million times, and they came out much better--or more entertaining--than this movie. But, as we'll eventually see, this isn't the only movie with false advertising, which is pretty much the point of Mockbusters.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So with ripoffs, WTFery, and general weirdness, this has been the Arcadian Interludes. See you next time.</div>Arcadiarikahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05055763414257983283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1585266671940381727.post-67040241932144688892011-05-15T15:12:00.000-07:002011-05-15T16:47:03.125-07:00Episode 1, Part 1--Spider's Web: A Pig's TaleSpark Plug Entertainment's ripoff of <em>Charlotte's Web</em>. Seriously, can you expect anything else?<br />
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(Credit goes to TheWMEForever for the uploading of the film, and credit goes to Spark Plug Entertainment for making the film. Oh, and just to be safe, credit goes to E.B. White for the original source, <em>Charlotte's Web.</em>)<br />
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Now, I know what you're thinking. Yes, I'm reviewing a film that countless other people have done. I plan to try to put my own spin on things.<br />
<br />
And besides, there have been times in which reviewers did different reviews of the same work (*cough*The Room*cough*)<br />
<br />
Having said that, let's look at Spark Plug Entertainment first. Created in 2006, one of their films, <em>An Ant's Life</em> (no prizes to which movie it ripped off), was made before that, several years earlier. Since its establishment, it made a handful of ripoffs, mostly from Pixar films.<br />
<br />
...and even though some people know it already, but for those who don't, its founder, Michael Schelp, is also the current executive producer of <em>MANswers</em>. Which, admittedly, I've caught a few times. (It was...something.)<br />
<br />
But enough about the vague-as-hell history lesson. Today, we're reviewing their ripoff, <em>Spider's Web: A Pig's Tale.</em><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/FSyqeDfheJU?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div align="center"><strong><em>Part One</em></strong></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">We start off with the title credits, and--</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>Random Rooster(?) Dude:</strong> "Rise and shine, everyone!"</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The heck? And...really, she does seem...creepy. Eh.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Next, we see Wilbur, or its ripoff, Walt. Some sow whom I presume to be his mom tells him that he shouldn't be late. Late? For what? Late for witnessing everyone else (a grand total of six animals that we first see, counting the pigs) waking up?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">And we cut to--OH GOD THE SPIDERS! (shudders) ...sorry. Anyway, after that, the animals reflect on what they're thankful for. Walt's thankful for everything. So does one of the horses, who rambles on how every creature has its place, and so does the purple spider, blah, blah, blah, when do we get to the part of the Cut and Paste Translation, dammit?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Oh, wait. The purple spider, Tiffany, calls its kind "agile" while, to her, the horses are capable of producing manure. So the spider's supposed to be its Charlotte equivalent, if Charlotte was capable of insulting everyone?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Anyway, after being thankful for whatever the hell, Walt and Penny (the weird rooster from earlier) compliment each other, and the former telling the latter how she flew, and OH GOD FILLER...you know, I just realized it. Penny kinda does look like those chickens and hens from <em>Chicken Run</em>, doesn't she? >__> Regardless, more filler happens when Gilbert explains how he can't pollenate anything.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Oh. Here we go. Now we get to a possible plot point. What does Walt even suggest? Flying around the flowers and thank it. In other words, lying. We'll get to this "moral" later on in the liveblog/review.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">More talking. Gilbert is said to be a wasp, and he explains how bees and wasps are di--ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...(wakes up) Oh, the other wabee is gone. The male horse tells Gilbert that, basically, they don't want to spread rumors. And then the yellow spider states that if he wants to be a bee, let him be.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I really feel tempted to make a "Let it Bee" joke here, but...I have standards--oh, what the hell, they pretty much said it again!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Then the lying escalates as the mommy sow asks Walt where her pie is. He then says, "You want the truth?", and to show that I have standards, I won't make a "You can't handle the truth!" reference. But to show that the movie doesn't have much standards, here goes the musical number! What happened to actual statements not set to song? Regardless, I'll just summarize it. Not much protected by "pie-loving thieves", the UFOs stop by and, mistaking it for an enemy, shoot the hell out of the pie.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">By the way, love how it seems like the filling's like blood.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Then the sow's pretty much like, "Okay, how do you know that it was a cherry pie?", and Walt says that she told him that it was such, lying his ass off some more. <strong><em>OUR HERO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. </em></strong>Tiffany then speaks up and says that Walt ate it. Because the former's a spider, she's not to be believed, but the animals do sense a bullshit meter going up in Walt's version.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So what did happen to the whole thing about animals being equal, eh?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">They start forming their wild mass guessings, some of which include Walt seeing a weather balloon or a reflection of the moon. Um...isn't the proof obvious, you morons? The spiders tell the other animals that the pig ate the pie, but again, their story isn't to be believed, which really undermines the equality thing once again. Eventually, the sow tells Walt to tell the truth, and she leaves; Walt then tells Tiffany to stop telling on him.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I'm with the spiders on this one. Walt, our Designated Hero, can't stop lying. Tiffany then goes on with the cliched "Who saved your ass when someone did stupid crap to you?" "You did" sort of thing. Then we get the moral of the story: stretching the truth doesn't make everyone happy. By the way? Get used to this. It'll be repeated over and over again.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Then Walt Wangsts about how much of an easier life Tiffany had. Good God, dude. Spiders are creepy as hell, and they have a higher chance of being killed, either by other prey or us humans. You? You grow fat, become cute, and have the easier life. (Until you are chosen to be butchered, but I digress.) And everyone loves you! For some reason, yes, but still!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">...and this is where things start to get really weird.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ErsRYS0Vac&NR=1"><em><strong>Part Two</strong></em></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">We then see a purple snake, Noiman. Who, by the way, is voiced by the late, great Peter Fernandez. Hear that? That's your childhood sobbing because he was in this film. Which, admittedly, isn't the weirdest casting in a cartoon Mockbuster, but it ranks right on top here.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">They talk about the stupid shit involving aliens and UFOs, and, honestly, this is to the point where unless they change the subject or if it actually happened, I stopped caring. And before Walt walks off, he breaks the pot. His mom's favorite pot. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">He claims that he didn't do it, but the ghostly phantom spirit (lol Department of Redundancy Department!) was scared by Tiffany, and he broke it. What, did the UFO bullshit lie run out of its "charm", Walty? Oh, and that one was in the form of another damn song, no less.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Then the horses call bullshit on Tiffany's truth, and WMGs occur (one of which involves methane gas from cows, I swear, I am not making this up--yay for "classy" fart jokes?), lather, rinse, repeat. I swear to God, if this occurs again, I'll just summarize the summarization of the bullshit.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Oh, and Penny gave us a by-far-overused <em>The Sixth Sense </em>reference as to why the character believes in ghosts. She sees dead chickens.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">...wait, that was a chicken all along? Excuse me while I batter my brains out on a wall. (thud) (thud) (thud)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The sow then decides to check on Walt's homework--wait, from what school? The question's moot as Walt answers that he did finish it, but the homework...ate...the dog. What. Complete with--screw it, you all know by this point, but this time, Penny cries over some other animal's death, and Tiffany says nothing. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The plot really feels like a "bad excuse Mad Libs".</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">...dear God. Once Tiffany says that the farmers killed Henry, we're treated to one of the most annoying, ear-bleeding cries ever. We're supposed to feel sad for poor Penny, but...not when it sounds like she's overdoing the crying.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Regardless, both Noiman and the sow are concerned about Walt's future. The snake, however, states that he doesn't need the farm animals and that he knows a better place to make friends. And what better place than Viperwood--wait, what? Regardless, Noiman does have a car and some forms of payment (how the hell can he drive, let alone have cash and credit cards?), and he tells Walt that he can come back whenever he want. Oh, and Tiffany can come along as well, which she eventually does.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Because there's nothing that screams ripoff than taking scenes and not knowing how they work in the original.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So after saying his goodbye to his mom, Walt, the snake, the yellow spider, Gilbert, and Tiffany all head out to Viperwood. Then we get treated to a random scene right the hell out of nowhere with a couple of alien-like beings staying in some sort of hotel. Walt and the snake also stay in the hotel, after we (and, eventually, they) see one of the aliens, Lucy, being so scared to jump down. With yet another annoying cry.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Does anyone in this movie know how to cry naturally?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The grandmother then asks the animal group for their help, but the snake's response is a simple "LOL no". Oh, and that Lucy likes being on the top of really, really tall buildings. Despite being afraid of heights. Walt, however, in an attempt of trying to be likable, actually thinks the opposite, but the snake has the "Doesn't concern us" attitude. Eventually, Lucy's convinced to jump down, which she does. And she makes it okay.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">...so if she could survive a high jump, then why the hell is she afraid of heights?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Anyway, Walt starts to think that the trip's not all that cracked up to be, but the snake tries to tell him otherwise. He then tries to be nice to Lucy, but knowing how much of an asshole he is, she's like, "Uh, no." At least she has common sense, I'll give her that. The spiders then warn Walt that he would become as much of an asshole as the snake if he continues to lie, and then they enter the hotel.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Then we come across yet annoying crier. What he (she?) says is pretty much irrelevant. When the snake and Walt show up, they order a room for a night, and the former pays with his Vipercard--don't leave the farm without it! But then the card's rejected, and he tries to figure out what's wrong. Uh, because it's fake?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So Walt and Noiman leave, and the latter says that they're almost to Viperwood, where Walt can be a star. Yep, yet another Hollywood knockoff, aren't you surprised? They decide to stay in Lucy's place, where they have one of two options to state: either tell the truth or say that they've been robbed.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">What will they say to why they want to stay? Will Walt make it to Viperwood? Will he stop lying? Find out in Part Two!</div>Arcadiarikahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05055763414257983283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1585266671940381727.post-15477078800092165882011-05-15T12:43:00.000-07:002011-05-15T12:43:35.105-07:00Welcome!Welcome to the Arcadian Interludes, a series of reviews wherein I explore the depths of the Mockbusters and Follow the Leader-type movies.<br />
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Unlike most Internet reviewers, mine will be text-based in the style of liveblogs. Note that I've yet to create a set schedule, but I'll be able to post a review in the next few days and go from there, so that way no one would (hopefully) ask me, "When's the next review coming up?"<br />
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For my first text review, I'll explore the sheer WTFery that is one of the <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SparkPlugEntertainment">Spark Plug Entertainment films.</a> (More on the types of film companies that I may or will review later.) Expect to see a lot of Shout-Outs, trope mentions, and the occasional slipping into insanity throughout the reviews.<br />
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What will happen throughout these reviews? Stay tuned.Arcadiarikahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05055763414257983283noreply@blogger.com0